“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.”
-Og Mandino
What’s new, Yoga Mamas? There’s such an air of celebration at the passing of 2020, as if the turn of the New Year would magically bring better times. But really, it’s we who can bring a better year into being. As I ease into 2021, I think of the image above: my husband’s yoga ball, accidentally punctured, deflated, seemingly useless. We lost the pump and now the kids love it as a fun surface to bounce off of. We think it’s trash, they think it’s a toy. It gets me to thinking, how can we approach what happened last year in a similar way?
Of course, there will always be things we can’t control (ahem, the pandemic), as well as things we can control (mainly what’s going on within us). But even when things feel really big, unprecedented, daunting...we tend to run into the same old darkness, sometimes taking different forms: political strife, social unrest, people freaking about what’s being broadcast through the media despite the millions of overwhelmingly good, overlooked little things in life. It’s those moments as a mom — a moment of laughter with the kids, the thrill of a baby’s first steps, a glimpse of connection with a toddler learning to talk — that shine like little stars in what might feel like dark days.
When things feel big and out of control, let’s zoom in on the things that are small and in our control. Wiggle your fingers and toes, relax your jaw, sigh, hug your kids close, feel the warmth and softness of your clothes on your body. These little tokens of light might not change the world, but they will change your world, your small and precious world of mothering and whatever else it is that is at your fingertips.
And if you can, step outside into the darkness now and then. Spot a few stars, notice the glow of streetlights or lingering Christmas lights. Remember that we need darkness for light to dazzle; feel your feet on the ground, and give thanks for the shadows of the unknown, even if it seems overwhelming.
Sometimes I am sort of in the dark when it comes to knowing what to expect. I’ll be honest, after a year like 2020, I don’t want to have too many expectations of 2021. I’m just gonna remind myself that the future is dark, not in a bad or ominous way, but simply because I can’t see it.
And yet, even when I think that I can see the past better than the future, I don’t want that to be my focus, either. I remind myself again and again that insight in the moment is often more powerful than hindsight or foresight. So, on this first new moon of 2020, I’m gonna bring back a yoga practice I haven’t done for a while: trataka. Traditionally it is done with a candle flame or a dot, but you can also focus on other visuals such as a spiral or an image of a deity.
Spirals have special significance for me, so that will be my focus going forward. On this new moon, I spiral inward, into that darkness where my heart beats, my breath expands and contracts, and my thoughts and emotions arise. In those shadows between inhale and exhale, between juxtaposed thoughts and emotions, I give myself permission to rest and dream in the dark womb of winter and in the shadows of the new moon. I will embrace the dark, with acceptance and intention, and maybe then I’ll enjoy a glimpse of the stars, so to speak. Then, without much debate or deliberation, the next steps will come into being, from my feet and my heart and not just from my thinking about it.
Om, shanti...I hope this new moon brings you the type of darkness that reminds you of the stars and all those tiny little moments of light in your life as a Yoga Mama!