On holding and being held part 3
“Often the hardest thing about holding space is that it can feel like you’re doing nothing.”
-Heather Plett
CreatingSpace
For some, doing nothing sounds heavenly; for others it sounds like torture. The fact is, you’re always doing something and it’s just the mind that judges whether it is something worth doing or not. Hate doing the dishes or laundry? Then you might do what I do sometimes and get frustrated that you spend so much time doing those things when you could be doing something fun or relaxing. Or maybe you enjoy going for long walks, but have a hard time justifying spending time savoring that. Many moms feel that they should always be doing something because there is always so much to do!
But, if we want to be able to hold space for our families, we need to hold space for ourselves. You might ask, ‘what does it mean to hold space? What are we holding space for?’ I ask myself those questions all the time, and over the years, I’ve noticed that before we hold space, we must create space.
Do I have more free time now that this pandemic has us staying home and practicing social distancing? Nope! I have less free time now that my daughter has no classes or group activities to attend and no friends to play with face-to-face.
How we hold space
My best practice for holding space is scheduling time for it. Otherwise, that intention to hold space will remain just a good idea that I never act upon. My favorite time to schedule this is to wake up before my family does so I can have some quiet time. I know that doesn’t work too well for night owls, but don’t worry, it’s not the only way to find some quiet for yourself.
Sometimes, it works better to work moments of quiet into the day. The trick with this approach is to remember to do it! This might take the form of pausing several times a day for three deep breaths, stopping for a 2-minute stretch break every couple of hours, or pausing when we see some kind of visual reminder we’ve created for ourselves to help us focus on the bigger picture (for example, a post-it note with an uplifting quote, an image of the Divine, a photo of someone or a place we love). You might not get the same satisfaction or deep, relaxed state you would from a longer stretch of time spent doing something you love. On the other hand, I find these more frequent, shorter practices go a long way towards building your overall relationship to self and Self. The Self with a capital S being your higher self, that internal part of you that can reflect on your feelings, thoughts, and actions.
However you choose to hold space, let it be something that you look forward to and has personal meaning for you. And don’t be shy - I’d love to hear your ideas. Please feel free to post them in the comments.
Since moving to Chicago, I’ve really missed the ocean, so my husband got this photo of the Monteray bay where I grew up and had it enlarged on a canvas:)
The ocean always makes me feel spacious and it’s great imagery for yoga and the breath.