On holding and being held part 4
Is this trataka or just a simple staring contest with my daughter?
“Yogas chitta vritti nirodha” (one translation: Yoga is the stilling of the mind)
-Patanjali's Yoga Sutras
Last month I wrote about creating and holding space for yourself so that you can feel held. A couple months before that I shared some thoughts on putting your busy schedule on hold so you could have time to hold some yoga postures.
I was inspired to write this little series because I wanted to show that yoga is not just about holding poses; it also offers a way to feel held by your yoga practice when you practice with with an awareness of your needs in each moment and you are flexible about what constitutes your practice. Sometimes we’re not up for a vigorous vinyasa sequence or a 30-minute meditation. Sometimes we need to feel held and nurtured by a slower, more relaxed approach to yoga, because as a mom, we often feel like we’re holding so many things together.
To be held by our yoga practice, the first step is to slow down and then to eventually be still. The quote above from the Yoga Sutras reminds us that yoga is not just something we do, it’s a state of mind we can reach that is peaceful, quiet, and focused.
Holding and stillness
After watching the movie Waking Life with some friends, two of us decided to try what they referred to in the film as a holy moment. All that means is looking into another person’s eyes for an extended period of time and observing what happens. To do this, it helps to be still. What came from that was a feeling of togetherness that is really different from that unity you feel when you meditate, eyes closed, in a group.
A few years later, I took a “Happiness Course,” offered through The Art of Living. One of the activities we did was akin to the holy moment I just described, but we rotated in a group so that each person had the opportunity to gaze into the eyes of at least a few other people. This time around, the mood was very light, with most interactions ending up with giddy laughter as if we were kids having a staring contest.
A fun rendition of this can be done with kids in the form of the good old-fashioned staring contest! Alternatively, if you have a baby, you can do it by just gazing into your baby’s eyes. Many moms do that already and it’s a nice way to share stillness with your child.
Stillness doesn’t have to be a stoic, seated, solo, eyes-closed meditation. Stillness can be just stopping to listen in the midst of chaos, perhaps even as you watch your kids play. Or it can be a moment away from your busy day to sit and have tea or coffee with a friend. My favorite type of practice that brings stillness to my mind is to go for a walk in the neighborhood without a particular destination; my body is moving, but my mind gets a break from a task-oriented goal.
There are days I like to think that vegging out on Netflix is a form of stillness, but on the contrary, it creates lots of movement in the mind even though the body might be still. That is not to say that we should never indulge in watching movies and shows, but let’s rethink what it means to take a break and rest. How can you be still and come out of that stillness feeling rested and focused?
Here’s a blog post from an online mom’s group I am so glad to be part of. It’s a group of moms that inspire one another to sprinkle their days with little moments of stillness and self-care.