“When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.”
― Wisława Szymborska, Poems New and Collected
New moons tend to be a good time to spiral inward and reflect on what has passed and what is to come; but most of all, to reflect on what is within. What feelings are we harboring inside? What thoughts, words, sensations simmer beneath the routine of our everyday small talk?
And in between the small talk, there are the catch phrases, mottos, and rhetoric of all that is shaking the world during these times. There is a collective undercurrent of emotion that we can’t help but share, whether we know it or not. Amidst the pandemic and racial tension of the Black Lives Matter movement, I find myself feeling the weight of the world and it feels heavier knowing that I can’t explain all the nuances of it to my 4-year-old daughter. How can I use words to describe to her what only life and experience can teach her?
I love the quote above because it uses words to demonstrate both the power and the shortcomings of the words themselves. The word future is not the actual future, but just an utterance that immediately becomes part of the past once it is said. And the word silence doesn’t create silence at all; instead it just makes more noise. But we need words to shape out intentions and guide our actions.
New moons are time for sowing the seeds of our intentions. In yoga, the closest thing we have to an intention is a sankalpa, which we can think of as a sort of vow or resolution put into words. It can be something that describes a quality, such as “I am peace,” or it can be more specific, such as “I treat myself and others with kindness.”
Over time, those words help guide us towards our highest goals. But words alone - even when accompanied by actions - are not enough. We also need our heartfelt vision to infuse our actions. We can call that bhavana, and it sets the tone for any undertaking we have in life.
So as I think of a sankalpa and bhavana for this new moon, I reflect on the image of a fist, which historically has taken on a sort of revolutionary significance. We see this symbol a lot these days in relation to the Black Lives Matter movement. How interesting it is that the form of a fist has also been used as a yoga mudra called Mushti Mudra and is used to release pent up negative emotions.
Personally, my mind tends to associate a raised fist with victory in general. But on this new moon, I turn my fist a quarter turn and see a kind of spiral created by my fingers and it reminds me to spiral my attention inward and reflect on how I feel in this moment and what my next steps are. I’m 31 days postpartum and feeling a little out of whack emotionally. Where do I go from here? Do I sit and observe my postpartum emotional rollercoaster or do I take action?
Notice that in the final picture below, I tucked my thumb inside my fist, rather than laid it across my fingers. For me, it’s a gesture of going even more inward, of introspecting even more while the world around me swirls in chaos (not just in the community, but also in my living room as I trip over toys that my daughter has spread everywhere while I sit on the couch and nurse my son). I have modified the mudra and the typical form of a fist to give it new, more personal significance.
And now as I recall how I snapped at my daughter when she threw a fit about having to come back inside the house, rather than look on how poorly I dealt with my anger, I breath and in my mind, hold that vulnerable aspect of myself that is just so tired that there’s nothing left to do but lose my patience. Then after that, I breathe and move forward with a bhavana that constantly guides me toward a more gentle, compassionate version of myself that is able to hold even the stormiest emotions from others around me with kindness, love, and peace.
What’s your sankalpa and/or bhavana on this new moon? What images, words, and visions guide you as we sit and listen in the darkness of the new moon?